Flawed
by shadoefax
Summary: Bastila Shan must lead a strike team of both Jedi and Republic soldiers to capture the Sith lord, Darth Revan. However, she must battle and overcome the darkness at it's heart, in order to lead the team to victory. - This fanfic was formerly a oneshot of the same name, and follows the KotOR storyline. Irregular updates. Rating may change later on in the story. R&R and enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own KotOR, BioWare does.**

* * *

Revan.

A name recognised in many ways.

Renowned as the Revanchist.

Infamous as the Butcher.

Feared as Darth.

* * *

Bastila Shan was the first to walk briskly up the ramp of the large transport shuttle in docking bay 7. She took what was perhaps her last look around the docking bay of a Republic cruiser, nervously brushing back strands of brown hair that hung loose from her pigtails. She glanced around the dull grey metal walls that enclosed the docking bay. And the blue ray shields separating black space from the bay, humming with life.

Once inside the shuttle, Bastila took a seat behind the co-pilot who was preparing the shuttle for it's very, _very _dangerous flight. The remaining members of the strike team filed in one by one before the ramp closed and secured them inside. Like a door of a room shutting, closing off the light from the outside world and leaving everyone inside to suffer in the dark.

Bastila appeared composed as the shuttle made final preparations to lift off the Republic cruiser, however, inside she was a fluttering breeze full of doubts and hopes. Admiral Taron's forces had to provide a standing distraction to the the Sith fleet, long enough for her strike team to infiltrate the flagship. Otherwise their gamble was lost and the Republic, no, _the galaxy_ would have to suffer the consequences dealt by Darth Revan. Formerly known as the Revanchist, the rogue Jedi inspiring many to follow and support his cause in the Mandalorian War. Now, an infamous Sith Lord who had fallen from the Light.

_Now a monster_.

Bastila did her best to release her hatred and fear into the force, but struggled. Her swirling thoughts of every evil deed Darth Revan had performed powered her black hate and dread towards him; towards the tyrant behind a mask that created an image of fear and mystery, once an image of hope and the greater good. Bastila's composure shattered as these feelings began to grow stronger. She scolded herself for feeling such blinding emotions. Everyone was counting on her to lead 43 Jedi and Republic soldiers directly to Darth Revan. She was a Jedi, and could not succumb to her fears! Especially now!

_But what if we-_I _fail,_ she thought. _How can we possibly fight our way through his forces? There will be Dark Jedi, Sith soldiers, not to mention deadly droids... _

Suddenly, Bastila's mind was silenced by the feeling of warmth and comfort radiating from her fellow Jedi and second in command, Anyara. Anyara reached over from her seat and placed her hand on Bastila's slumped shoulder. "Bastila, we are to take off soon and are enroute for Revan's flagship." When she didn't receive a reply, she shook her shoulder gently. "Are you okay? I can sense your fear rolling of your very force signature. I understand how you could feel such emotions right now, but remember, we must keep a clear mind and focus on the task ahead."

Bastila let out a shaky breath, her chest shuddering. "I am fine, Anyara, I will...briefly meditate and connect with the Force."

Anyara had the strength to chuckle. "You honestly think you can attain a comfortable meditation position in a shuttle maneuvering around enemy fire, droids, and starships?"

"Well, no, of course not," sputtered Bastila, taken aback. "But-"

"Just take a moment, relax, and release your fear into the Force. You do not need a fancy meditation pose to be able to connect freely. Simply clear your mind, and let it all flow, then drift away. Immerse yourself in the calm."

Bastila glanced at her, nodded determinedly, and closed her eyes, clearing her mind of her doubts on the mission and the team. She instead embraced the calm essence of the Force, and let her mind drift, releasing the hatred and fear she felt. A few moments later she opened her eyes and met Anyara's yellow Cathar ones, glistening with a concern. Bastila simply smiled a small, hopeful smile in reply. She had successfully gained control of her emotions, for now. Letting out a sigh, Bastila tried to relax in her seat as best as she could, not wanting to ruin the newly found calm and peace she felt.

She was determined to become the greatest Jedi she could be, even if it meant pushing herself to the absolute limit, and make the Jedi Council proud. She knew that they thought her lack of control was her greatest weakness. That this _flaw_ was holding her back from her training, from the Jedi Code. She was determined to prove them wrong.

* * *

_"The youngling...Bastila," said Master Vrook, gesturing to a young brown haired girl who was gritting her teeth and furrowing her eyebrows in determination. "She is too passionate! She basks in praise and sulks when things do not go her way! How can we properly train her unless she harnesses these emotions and learns not to immerse in them," he protested._

_"Bastila is only a youngling, she still has time to learn," replied Master Vandar._

_Masters Vandar and Vrook were watching Bastila and her sparring partner exchange blows during their lightsaber class. Bastila had chosen to utilize the double-bladed training saber, a rare choice for a Jedi youngling, and was battering her opponent's defense with it's use. Her opponent, a green skinned twi-lek youngling, was struggling to maintain his stance and regain his ground. Blow after blow he slowly began to crumble, his strokes becoming sloppy and he's arms quivering under impact each time he parried a blow. It was obvious he was tiring and beginning to panic, even though it was only a practise sparring match. Bastila meanwhile had a gleaming look in her harsh eyes, and the Masters felt the intense, unwavering confidence radiating off her as she continued to strike and subdue her opponent._

_"Did you feel it," hissed Vrook. Vandar only watched silently as Bastila continued to spar. His brows furrowed at what happened next._

_ Suddenly, she performed a flurry of aggressive lightsaber strokes as she twirled her blades like a deadly baton of light, and finally struck her opponent on the side of his ribs. The The twi-lek let out a cry of pain and fell to the ground, though the training saber only stung him with a burn. __Immediately extinguishing her training saber, Bastila set the saber staff aside and offered a hand to her fallen youngling, who hesitated to accept it. The look of victory and dominance was evident in Bastila's expression. Her mouth was upturned in a smirk._

_The lightsaber instructor, Master Tali, put his hand on Bastila's shoulder in approval, though frowning. He opened his mouth, then paused, as if he had been about to mention something but decided against it. Instead, Master Tali addressed the rest of the class. "All right younglings, it is time for a break. I think that many of you have well deserved it." Indeed they had, for many classmates were sweating and panting after two hours of saber practise. Bastila followed the rest of her class out of the gym, however, not before taken a moment to smile at her accomplishment and beam with pride._

* * *

Bastila let her body relax, and her mind settle it's awareness on the rest of the shuttle. She heard the whirring sound of control panels and boards, just starting up. The soft groan of the engine, coming out of wake for another flight. The loud, short clicks as the pilot flipped switches and pressed buttons. Twitching the corners of her mouth and her eyes, Bastila's mind finally settled on a disturbance in the Force. She frowned as she further explored it's boundaries, not being able to decipher what exactly it was. She could sense the source of the disturbance was located behind her, further into the shuttle. "I should address the strike team, before we launch," said Bastila, masking her suspicion with formality.

"Alright," said Anyara, looking uneasy, and she closely followed Bastila to the main hold where 41 other brave men and women were seated.

The door slid open to Anyara and Bastila, silencing the soldiers and Jedi who were talking. "If I may have your attention?" said Bastila, her voice full of authority. She could now sense the disturbance was indeed being produced from the main hold. She winced as she was hit with a mass of emotions swirling around like a storm that could not be calmed. Perhaps she could not remedy this storm, but she could change the elements and inspire hope instead of doubt. All eyes turned to her, and Bastila took a deep breath.

"As i'm sure you all know, I am Jedi Padawan Bastila Shan and the leader of this mission. All of you have been briefed on the mission and the plan." Bastila spoke in the strong and confident voice of a leader. "Under no circumstances are we to kill Darth Revan. Our purpose is to only subdue and capture him.

The Jedi Padawan could slowly feel each person, each mind in the hold, become extinguished of their doubt and uncertainty of. She would only need a final push. "All thirty five of you have been selected, or have volunteered, for this mission, regardless of the great risks. I...cannot ensure that any of you will survive this mission. But, I can expect that all of you shall defend our good cause to your last dying breath, and give hope to the Republic and the galaxy. I am honoured to serve with you all on this mission. Remember that you fight for freedom, justice and peace." Bastila felt overwhelmed by the sheer confidence and appreciation flowing in waves from her, to her team and back through the Force.

"May the Force be with you." Bastila curtly nodded to her team with a hidden smile as they cheered to her speech, save a few of the Code-stricken Jedi, and left the main hold with Anyara. She only hoped the Force would have mercy on them as the pilot fired up the thrusters.

Bastila opened her comlink channel. "We're ready, Admiral, Masters."

_*_"May the Force be with you, Padawan Shan."_*_

* * *

**Author's Note**

**so, this was my first fanfic. review and tell me what you think!**

***waves hand in front of screen* "you will type in the review box"**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: i do not own KotOR. KotOR is owned by it's respective owners. **

* * *

The transport shuttle rose smoothly into the never ending void of space, and once leaving the Republic cruiser, the pilot immediately took off in the direction of the Sith fleet. The plan was to use surrounding Republic fighters as cover to get closer to the front lines of the enemy fleet, where Darth Revan's flagship was located. Bastila had informed the pilot, a Republic soldier named Odis, to avoid all contact with the fighting if possible. Unfortunately, she knew that the chances of avoiding the above battle were slim. _Extremely slim_.

* * *

Anyara darted and twisted her head back and forth, constantly on the lookout for any opposing forces. Pointing at the far right of the cockpit window she cried to Odis, "Crossfire! Perform evasive manoeuvres!"

Bastila reached over to her right and hurriedly opened a channel on the ships communication systems, so her voice was projected in the main hold. "All members of the strike team, this is Bastila Shan speaking. We are now approaching crossfire! Fasten your seat belts! I repeat, fasten your seat belts!" She suddenly jerked backwards, her head smashing onto the seat's headrest, as the shuttle made a sharp veer to the left. Bastila briefly moaned in pain before she gasped, spotting several enemy star fighters heading straight towards them. "Incoming fighters!"

Odis, glanced ahead of space at Bastila's words and swore, seeing the group of enemy star ships about to hit them head on. "Frack! Hang on." He proceeded to then swerve the ship to the left and nose dive. Bastila was pushed back against her seat due to the sheer force and gravitational pull inside the shuttle. Then, suddenly, she jerked back harshly into her seat for the second time that flight as the pilot professionally brought the dive to a stop. The feeling of exhilaration from the steep dive was short-lived, but it was enough to make Bastila feel confounded and sick. She clenched the sides of her passenger seat and moaned at the burning sensation in her stomach. Now Bastila remembered why she hated flying so much, at least, when people like Odis were piloting. She sealed her lips and swallowed, desperate not to vomit all over the floor from motion sickness.

"Odis, don't ever...pull a...stunt...like..." Bastila took a moment to clutch her stomach. "Like that again...under...my command."

"Oh, sorry, does the Jedi not approve of me saving her and her team's skins?"

"Are you blind to the current situation me, and i'm sure many of my team members, are in?" Bastila demanded indignantly.

Odis stuttered, mentally slapping himself for making such a bold retort to his commander. "I-I didn't..."

"Bastila," interrupted Anyara. "Do you need my help healing?"

Bastila clenched her jaw stubbornly, though her face was deathly pale. "No, I can...heal myself, thank you."

Odis took a smooth turn to the left, finding a flight path that was empty of other vessels. "Alright, the coast is clear. For now, at least." He paused nervously. The cocky pilot he was a minute ago was long gone. "So...you okay, Commander?" said Odis with heavy caution, still scolding himself for his bold and stupid retort. He knew better than to get on a Jedi's bad side, especially one such as Bastila Shan.

Bastila ignored his words and recited the Jedi Code over and over, to calm herself so she could concentrate on her healing. The practice of reciting the Code was a much repeated drill that she had had to make use of several times, much more often than she would prefer. It was the Masters who had gotten her into this habit, in hopes of teaching her a Jedi's tranquillity and dedication to the Order. Instead, the Code acted as a lifeline she would grasp when she feared she was straying from the path of a Jedi. But the line was slowly drifting further away from her from it's old age and use, though Bastila did not suspect a thing.

Bastila could feel her queasiness gradually fade. During the minute recovery time, Odis wisely decided not to pull any more big stunts, only swerving left and right when needed. Bastila gave one last swallow and the sickness was gone, to her relief. Despite this, however, she still felt dizzy and disoriented, and so nearly missed perhaps the most important sight of the entire mission.

"Left...no, right!" Bastila corrected herself hastily, silently cursing her disoriented state in a very un-Jedi like manner. "Revan's flagship is on the right!" All in the cockpit glanced to their right and saw a massive Sith cruiser. It bore no decoration, but it was easy to differ the design from other ships in the Sith fleet. "Hurry, we must-ugh!" Bastila jerked in her seat as the shuttle suddenly shook, rocking back and forth. A few of the control panels on her right were fried and running off circuit. She shielded herself with the Force as stray sparks flew at her "What was that, Odis?"

"Stray laser bolt from the battle hit the right side. Shields are still holding at 97 percent," Bastila didn't need the Force to know Odis and his co-pilot were smirking. "It's gonna take a whole lot more to bring down this ship..." His voice died as he spotted a red Republic star fighter spiralling towards the cockpit with a damaged wing and thruster.

"Move out of the way! Move out of the way!" shouted Anyara with a tone of desperation Bastila had never heard before. The shuttle was not fast enough, however, to avoid the impact. The downed star fighter collided into the left of the shuttle, knocking it back and turning it upon force. Anyara took a moment to regain her ground and her voice, lost from shock.

"Odis...report," she croaked.

"Shields are now at 18 percent. One more hit and they'll will be down. The lateral thrusters have taken a slight hit on impact, but nothing major." He said his next words very carefully. "Oh, and our life support has, er, taken some critical damage."

"Well," Bastila muttered, "we never expected this flight to be easy, did we?"

A beeping noise interrupted the conversation and made everyone jolt in surprise. It was Bastila's comlink, having received a transmission. A voice could be heard from the other end. *"Padawan Shan? Padawan Shan? Can you read me?"*

Bastila pressed a button to answer the transmission. "Yes Admiral, I read you. We are cruising around Darth Revan's flagship, however our primary shields have been compromised as well as our life support. We don't have much time until we will all suffocate."

*"We have already begun penetrating Darth Revan's shields. It should only take a few minutes for us to break through. I suggest you get ready to fire on the hyperdrive, but _keep low. _Another confrontation with another vessel and you might compromise the entire mission."*

Bastila grit her teeth. "Understood. Padawan Shan, out." Bastila turned off her comlink and turned to Odis. "Odis, cruise around the area. _R__emain unseen._ Keep a clear distance from Revan's flagship. We don't want to get caught in a feedback explosion when Admiral Taron's forces puncture the shields. Once the shields are down, target and fire on the ship's hyperdrive, then thrusters. Then cut down the hanger bay shields and land us inside. Once we're in, we must fight our way through to Revan. Inform the others of the plan, and tell them to get ready for the battle. Am I clear?"

Odis turned around to face her, and she got a glimpse of red hair and grim green eyes. "Yes, Commander Shan."

Bastila nodded and afterwards kept a close eye on Odis' piloting, not wanting to repeat another encounter with anything, much less, a downed ship.

* * *

As the shuttle remained minutes longer in wait for the shield breach, the Jedi on board shuddered from the amount of dark energy emitting from the one ship; from the one person. Bastila's could not help but briefly let her fear take over. She cringed. "I cannot believe we must fight this evil," she muttered. "I can sense it. It is so strong. So...powerful." She trailed off, her voice with the slightest hint of admiration.

_No wonder why Revan has been able to cause so much havoc against the Jedi, even when our Order and the Republic are greater in numbers. He merely uses his sheer power and intelligence to vanquish our forces. My Battle Meditation combined with this raw power could-_

"Bastila." said Anyara sharply, though she too had a strange look in her eyes. "Snap," she shook her head. "Snap out of it. Can't you feel yourself being dragged closer to Revan? To his power?_ T__o_ _the Dark Side? _Remember the Code-"

For the first time in Bastila's life, her precious lifeline was out of reach. "Don't tell me to remember the Code!" she snarled. "What good is the Code to the galaxy? To the Jedi?"

"Bastila!" said Aryana for the second time, this time with indignity and anger. Bastila noticed this, and at once silenced, not wanting to further explore her short temper. Aryana shut her eyes, taking slow, deep breaths before speaking again. "Bastila, the Code is our way of life. It is what makes us true Jedi, not by following it strictly, but by understanding it. The Light Side of the Force can only ensure good through this way. Through this code.

"The Dark Side is called "Dark" for a reason, Bastila." Anyara put her arms on Bastila's shoulders and held her rooted to the floor. Bastila tried not to look into her fierce glare, and instead gazed out the cockpit window, her hard gray-blue eyes widening at the sight. It was a front seat view of exploding star fighters, flying laser bolts and massive war cruisers that only brought in more war,and more pain under the mercy of power. At that moment, she was reminded of the truth about the Dark Side - that no matter how tempting and good it may seem with all the power one could have, it could only cause more pain and destruction. It was the motive of all evil, and must be stopped. No matter how flawed she thought the Jedi were, Bastila knew that she would stand by the Jedi, as they stood by the Light.

Bastila lowered her head in shame at her violent outburst. Her dark bangs fell upon her eyes like a curtain. "I know, Anyara. You are right. I am sorry for my actions. I...It-it's just...the Dark Side is so strong in this place, at this time. I..I don't think I was myself then. I am so sorry," she finished lamely.

Anyara looked at her gravely. "I have six more years of experience than you, Bastila, and I am a fully fledged Knight. I know what I was talking about when I told you the importance of the Code. Anyone can recite the five lines of the mantra and follow them like rules, however, not many Jedi fully understand the true meaning of the Code."_  
_

Bastila looked up. "Can you teach me then? Can you show me the true meaning of the Jedi Code?"

"No. Only you can discover the true meaning of the Code, by ways of your interpretation, knowledge and experience."

Bastila only curved the corners of her mouth into a frown, frustrated with Anyara's cryptic answer.

Anyara held a hand, to signal she was not done talking. "However, I will warn you Bastila, that the path of a Jedi will never be easy, and you must have unity with the Force and the Code. The Dark Side will always be trying to tempt you; to lure you into its grasp. Never give in on this eternal fight, Bastila. Never let the Dark Side consume your mind with raw power and emotions."

"I know, Anyara...and thank you. I will remember your words. May they help me to stay on the right path," said Bastila quietly, with a sincerity in her tone that surprised even herself. Then she saw the large flare of light emit as Admiral Taron's missile made contact with Revan's flagship. A faint blue ripple ran across the surface of the ship, signifying the destruction of it's shields. Tearing herself from Anyara, Bastila yelled with her might. "Odis, fire!"

* * *

**Author's Note**

**i added odis from kotor 2, hehehheh...well, his storyline _does_ fit!**

**anyway, so, i'm continuing the oneshot into a short story on the approval of others :). as mentioned before, this will cover revan's capture.**

**i'm quite obsessed with bastila's flaws and her struggles to become the perfect jedi, often straying from composition in order to do what she thinks is right, and letting her emotions get the better of her. i will probably be writing further on this throughout the story.**

**maybe i'll chuck in some revan/bastila near the end, i dunno. **

**tell me what you think so far. good? bad? predictable? boring? leave a review!**

**warning: i won't be updating regularly, as i'm normally quite busy and get frequent writer's blocks. :P (sorry for the slight cliffhanger)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: i obviously don't own the awesome KotOR or it's franchise, Bioware does!**

* * *

Now, she thought, was the time to strike.

Odis gripped the steering wheel. "Hang on!'

Bastila hurried to her seat and strapped herself in, bracing herself for possibly another bumpy ride. The last time the pilot said those words she nearly emptied her breakfast, and she wasn't keen on having the same incident repeated.

Odis flew the shuttle towards Revan's flagship, weaving in and out enemy fighters. His flying was so coordinated and skillful, Bastila had to wonder whether the man was force sensitive. Once getting a clear view of the flagship, Odis flipped some switches and said to his co-pilot, "Route power the cannons, full charge. Target Revan's hyperdrive" The co-pilot complied, handling the orders efficiently and targeting the flagship's hyperdrive.

"Steady...fire!"

Odis' co-pilot complied, and the figures in the cockpit watched the flying missile with an unwavering tension of hope and suspense. The missile shot through space, directly into the hyperdrive of Revan's flagship. A satisfying explosion could be seen and Odis cheered. "KRIFF, YEAH! Take _that, _Revan! Odis is gonna bring your kriffing mask right down to the kriffing floor!"

Bastila resisted the urge to cover her ears from the insults, instead forcing herself to focus on more pressing and vital actions. "I'm manning the turrets," stated Bastila. She unstrapped herself from her seat with lightning speed and ran to the cockpit exit. "_Some one_ needs to destroy the ship's primary thrusters. Anyara, inform the others we're about to board the flagship. Odis, take us down there. NOW!" Bastila barked orders to the others. It was almost time to perform the most dangerous part of the mission yet, and she had to keep focused as Anyara pointed out to her. Now was the moment of truth.

Bastila climbed up the ladder to the manual turrets, lunging for the rudders with her hands. Once inside the tight space of the turret room, she slipped into the seat and grasped the controls wildly. She shot randomly at enemy starfighters, at first, getting a feel of the firepower and controls. After that little round of target practise, she shouted over her comlink. "Odis, get in closer to the flagship. I need a clear shot of the thrusters!"

*"On it."*

Bastila felt the ship lurch forward and readied the controls when suddenly, she felt her throat constricting painfully and struggle to inhale air. Panicking, she realised the life support was failing and shouted through the Force. _No! Not now,_ she screamed. _Not now! _Bastila's lungs were burning for air, and she gagged and wheezed with struggle. She faintly heard Anyara's voice over her comlink, her head beginning to feel dangerously faint.

*"Bastila? Bastila! Forget the thrusters. Get the hell out of there! NOW!"*

She groped for the hatch handle that would lead her back to the main body of the shuttle. Holding in what little breath she had left, Bastila pulled the hatch door open with all her strength and scrambled for the cockpit, shutting the security doors that separated the cargo hold and turret rooms from the rest of the shuttle. Fortunately, there were no vital supplies stored in the hold and the other areas of the shuttle still had oxygen pumping through the vents. She returned to the cockpit where a very anxious Anyara stood, gasping for air.

"Oh, Force, Bastila! Are you alright?"

"The-the rest of the team. Are...are they alright?" Bastila shook with worry and shock. If they had all suffocated to death, the entire mission would be compromised, 41 lives taken in the process.

_Please let them be alive. Please..._

She was visibly relieved when Anyara nodded and opened her mouth. "Yes, they are. You must inform them our pilot is about to charge through the hangar bay doors. It will be quick; we have to get through the emergency blast doors before they activate. The ride may get bumpy."

A flicker of resentment ignited in the back of her mind at Anyara's commanding words. _She_ was supposed to be in charge of the mission, not Anyara. This was _Bastila's_ time to prove she could succeed in the important task given to her, not Anyara's.

_But Anyara is a Jedi Knight who has six more years of experience in skills and knowledge. What are you but a lowly Padawan? A child? The Jedi Council only chose you to lead the mission because of your battle meditation. Take that away and you're nothing to them. Absolutely nothing._

Bastila, massaging her still aching throat, and furrowed her eyebrows at her loathing thoughts. She knew that it was the Dark Side that was influencing them. Or...did she? She could not help but feel that the thoughts ringed with truth.

The Jedi Council _did _only choose her because of her rare force ability of Battle Meditation. Of _course_ she was the perfect choice for the dangerous mission. With her battle meditation, she could boost the morale of her allies, raising their chances of succession. Of course they would choose _her_ to participate in the darkest battle. They thought that her rare ability could win everything for them, and so they utilized it as a powerful, dangerous tool; a tool with restrictions.

After all, Bastila was still just an ordinary Padawan, at the bottom of the Jedi Ranks, and with no sure signs of ever ascending. The Jedi Council had to watch her and her actions carefully, wary of the possibility she would suddenly lash out at the world with her potential power, should they give her the freedom and authority of a Jedi Master. The various masters she had been assigned to in the past were pleased with her progress, of course, but there was always something holding her back. Her tendency to be impulsive, for one thing.

It was only because of her rare battle meditation that they paid attention to and cared for her at all.

Bastila shrugged off the thoughts, for the time being, at least, and staggered towards the entrance to the main hold, still shell shocked from her ordeal in the turret room. Stopping at the door to the main hold, she hastily smoothed down the creases in her brown and beige bodysuit and brushed back her brown hair, making herself look at least slightly presentable. Bastila cleared her throat for good measure, then pressed the button of the door, sliding it open for her to face the strike team. She waited until all in the room turned their heads to her.

"We are about to board Revan's flagship," she said, surveying their faces, memorising each of their expressions, their eyes. She knew that some, she would never again see. And she knew that only a faction of the Jedi and soldiers in this room would possibly survive the battle ahead, including herself.

Taking a second to steady her voice, Bastila continued. "This will be the most crucial part of our mission. We need every soldier and Jedi at their stations in order for our boarding to succeed.

"Firearms," a majority of heads tilted up at her words, giving them their full attention. "I need you to cover for everyone loading off the ramp. Station yourselves around the ramp base and inside the shuttle. Once everyone is out and fighting, spread to the right and left flanks and keep on the lookout for enemy attacks.

"All Jedi, keep to the front lines and rear and cut down the enemy by your means.

"Grenadiers, launch a new wave at each enemy attack we encounter, but do not engage with launchers in the middle of the battle. Proceed with launchers only at every new attack, otherwise, continue normal fire." Bastila's mind raced, searching for any flaws in her plan. Finding none, she reached for her double-bladed lightsaber, a small but vital action of preparation. "Keep in your seats until I raise the signal. Am I clear?"

There was a chorus of "Yes, Commander"s and a few murmured "Yeah"s. Bastila took this as enough of an affirmative answer and walked back to the cockpit. When she saw Anyara, the feeling of resentment came back to her, but she paid little attention to it, coming to the one, stable conclusion that she knew was true: that Anyara was her friend, and that she would never intentionally harm her in any way. Bastila twitched the corners of her mouth up into a brief smile, despite the circumstances. Anyara didn't notice, but Bastila did not mind; her smile had reached the one person it had been sent to reassure: herself.

"I suppose we have no choice but to forget about the primary thrusters. It is too late for that now," began Bastila. She opened the communications channel of the shuttle. "Everyone, strap yourselves in. We're going in through the hanger bay doors." She rushed to her seat. "Odis, breach the hangar bay shields and get us in there before the blast doors lock us out. It's all up to you right now."

Odis quivered slightly at all the pressure that was being placed upon his shoulders. "Alright, Shan."

Bastila was about to open her mouth to scoff him for his informal attitude, but she instead decided against it. Now was not the time to fuss over formality. The reality of the current situation at last, _hit her_. They were about to _board Revan's flagship_. Well, assuming they didn't get blasted into oblivion by enemy fighters in the process. The mission was just beginning.

"Glin, get ready to fire. Target the ship's hanger bay ray shields," Odis said to his co-pilot.

"Yes Sir."

As the cannons were recharging and Odis continued weaving through star fighters, Bastila felt herself uncontrollably shake under the influence of nerves. She found that the silence before the battle was always the most intense, nerve-racking part of war. Bastila had had her fair share of battles, but none of those could compare to what she felt now, minutes before the board. She would have to face _the __Darth Revan, t_he Sith lord who left a dark trail of destruction where ever he went. Not even her battle meditation had done much good so far in the war.

"Bastila, remember, we must focus. It's almost time," Anyara said.

Bastila regarded her words. She may be flawed, she thought. But so was Revan. And when those flaws appeared out in the open, she would strike.

* * *

When Bastila saw Glin fire the missile and the flagship's hangar bay shields go offline, she reached for the shuttle communications channel and spoke through the microphone. "Strike team, take positions for boarding Revan's flagship. We're going in."

Odis violently swung the shuttle downwards, towards the hangar bay. He narrowly swerved through flying laser bolts, missiles and starships. A foreign sense of adrenaline filled Bastila as she experienced the thrilling sensations of danger and flying; as a Jedi, it was rare for her to feel such exhilaration. The typical life of a Jedi was one lacking of excitement and thrill. Bastila may as well have been thrown into a different, unfamiliar universe.

As they edged closer, she inhaled sharply upon seeing the ship's hangar blast doors activate. But the speed they were going at was incredible. Bastila's head was thrown backwards and her cheeks jiggled with force. She held her breath in anticipation. They were going to make it before the doors closed, she was sure of it.

All of her hopes were dashed when the ship lurched and a small explosion erupted. Bastila gagged on the poisoning smell of smoke. "Odis?" she called.

He didn't straight away respond, his face set on their destination. "Just a few more metres, Commander! We're almost there," he muttered.

Glin shouted to him. "Shields are down at eight percent!"

"Life support?" asked Bastila.

"Still online at fifty-eight percent capacity."

Feeling somewhat slightly relieved, Bastila gripped her seat and struggled to keep her eyes open and alert. Within the next few seconds, they just managed to slip through the blast doors and enter the hangar, and for a moment, just a moment, Bastila's eyes lit up and she felt a pang of victory.

Suddenly, the shuttle skimmed through the hangar bay and she gasped as the ship flipped with a painful screeching of metal meeting metal. She felt her body defy gravity, limbs flailing as they were thrown into the air by force. Her blood rushed to her head and she identified the sharp, shrill noise that rang painfully in her ears as her own scream. Bastila desperately squeezed her eyes shut, wanting to block out the tumbling world from her mind, and after what felt like minutes, the world was at last still, and she had returned from the terrifying journey...or so she thought.

For the boarding had begun.

* * *

Anyara was already out of her seat, her indigo lightsaber ignited, and was pulling Bastila up when the barrage of enemy fire punctured the cockpit walls. Odis was hovering over Glin's unresponsive body, and Anyara had dispersed the strike team. Screams and battle cries could be heard echoing around the walls, accompanied with the loud, destructive sounds of explosions and blaster fire.

Bastila's head throbbed painfully as she staggered up and leaned on Anyara's arm. Everything was distorted. Her vision was blurry, and spots danced in front of her eyes. Her hearing was clouded, ears ringing with a dull pain.

Nothing was clear. Not the sounds she heard, the things she saw, nor the objects she touched.

She bent over and retched, though nothing was emptied from her stomach. She gasped, and choked, closing her hand around Anyara's wrist with a weak grip. "An...Anyara...help...me..."

And then she plummeted into darkness.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN! (mwahahahahahaahahaha) **

**anyway, as always, leave a review, my lovely readers! so, now we're up t****o the boarding of revan's flagship! i admit, i'm not very experienced in this field of writing, that is, action scenes. so, ideas and advice are also appreciated!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: i don't own KotOR, BioWare does...but i wish i did**

* * *

_Whispered words had spread like wildfire among the padawans and knights. The famous Jedi, the Revanchist, was looking for more followers. A few Jedi were springing at the opportunity to accept him as their new leader, and master. The truth of the massacre of the Cathar people brought an amount of unrest between the Council and some Jedi. These few Jedi were compelled to engage in and end the war. They believed they would fight to save the galaxy from a threat. The Council believed it would only be a waste of time and energy._

_Bastila was torn in two.__To her frustration, she felt a certain allure to join the Revanchists, a group driven by their hate for this war, and the desire to end it. But she knew that this rebellion was not the way of the Jedi, or the Council. And she also knew that her greatest goal was to become a Jedi Master, one of the highest ranks of the Jedi Order._

_The Council held high expectations for her, especially because of her famed Battle Meditation. She _had_ to side with the Jedi, or what would happen to her future? Her pride?. _

_So when the time came; when _Revan_ came, she hesitated._

* * *

Her eyes flickered open and surveyed their blurry surroundings. At last, their vision cleared and was met with blinding colours flying overhead. Bastila grunted and made to push herself up, but she was roughly shoved down again. She heard Anyara's voice shout, "Get down!" The Force came back to Bastila and with it she sensed the raw conflict that she was amidst. _The boarding._ It whispered to her, awaking her. _The boarding_.

With a gasp she shot up, much to the dissent of Anyara, who tried to shove her down again. Seeing her strike team spread out and occupied, she blinked out the tiredness from her eyes. Her hand flew to her belt and met...nothing. "Where is my lightsaber?" she demanded. When she didn't receive a reply, she panicked. _Where is it? Where is it? WHERE IS IT?_ She _couldn't_ have_ lost her lightsaber!_ "Anyara, where in the galaxy is my lightsaber!"

As her eyes began to quickly scan the floor for a glint of metal, Bastila felt a cold, light-weight lump land on her thighs.

"It rolled under your seat. Don't lose it again," said Anyara. Anyara kept her eyes focused on the battle ahead, deflecting incoming blaster bolts with merely a wave of her hand and a blur of indigo.

Bastila sputtered. "I-I didn't _lose_...oh, nevermind..." Seeing that there was no use reputing, Bastila ignited her yellow double blades and force leapt into the battle. The blades hummed with energy as they passed through the air. Bastila landed firmly on her feet, slicing an assault droid in half as she did. Then she charged.

The battle continued on, and Bastila was only aware of her lightsaber and her targets. She cut them all down with ferocity and speed, undefeated. She finished cutting down a squad of Sith droids, and was about to join Odis up ahead when her elbow joint suddenly stiffened, as if stuck in place with glue. The feeling coursed around her entire body until she found she couldn't move a muscle. A binding force was encasing her tightly on the spot. Someone was using the Force to stasis her, she realised with horror.

"The Dark Lord Revan will be most displeased with you attempting to board his flagship. " A Dark Jedi appeared in front of Bastila, a ready lightsaber hilt in her hand. Her sinister hood revealed only cold sickly yellow eyes, a sign of corruption by the Dark Side. "I suspect that after I kill you for the disturbance you've caused, he will reward me greatly." She ignited her blood-red lightsaber, and Bastila stood still frozen in stasis, unable to defend herself. The red saber was raised, aiming directly at Bastila's heart.

In all her life, Bastila Shan never thought that she would die like _this_. Her death was supposed to be a noble one. One in which she fought back to her dying breath and fell with dignity. Here, she was frozen and restrained from even movement. Here, she was weak, defenseless, and vulnerable._  
_

"Time to die, _Jedi_."

Bastila braced herself for the searing pain and the emptiness that was sure to come. Her senses dulled and she was aware of only her helpless position...

Out of nowhere, she heard a distinct hum of energy and saw a green lightsaber blade protruding out of the Dark Jedi's chest. She bent over and gasped in pain, before collapsing to the metal floors, dead. Bastila felt the stasis break, and she dropped to the floor upon release, breathless. She had been _so close_ to dying a shameful death. _So close_ to losing everything she striven for. She shifted her glance up to a tall, dark eyed Jedi whom Bastila recognised as Koren.

She breathed out a word of thanks.

"Can't have our Commander die on us today," Koren muttered with a hint of sarcasm. "Up you come. You've got a team to lead." He held out a hand, which Bastila took to pull herself up. Suddenly she felt so tired, and almost collapsed. Other than exhaustion, she had suffered a few cuts and bruises, a broken comlink and tangled hair from the battle. Bastila replenished her strength with a stamina package from her utility belt, and almost instantaneously felt as energetic as she could be. She simply could have used the Force to heal her, but now was not a good time to waste Force energy.

Bastila took a quick look around the remains of a victorious battle. It seemed that most of the strike team had survived, including Anyara and Odis. But death was everywhere in the hangar. Corpses were strewn on the floor, decorated with cauterized wounds and blaster marks. Bastila shuddered at the sight, because she knew - especially after her near-death experience - that there was only more of that to come.

Bastila nudged a deactivated droid with her foot as she passed, heading for the nearby computer terminal at the hangar exit. She shouted with the strongest voice she could manage, "Strike team! Rally to me!"

Anyara joined Bastila and spoke breathlessly. "You know, this was only the warm up battle." They both watched the remaining 39 people of their team run past them and regroup.

"I know."

"Then, Bastila, try _not_ to charge head on into battles and wasting energy. _Please_. You need to reserve what little you have for our confrontation with Revan."

Bastila gritted her teeth and brushed away strands of hair. She jogged to the computer terminal and downloaded the area schematics. After her eyes skimmed the information on her datapad, they averted to a group of four snipers. "You four, take out the wing surveillance within a hundred metres. We're taking the bridge through there."

"Yes, Commander."

Bastila looked to the others. "Everyone else, we'll follow and meet any resistance that Revan calls upon us."

She motioned Anyara and a few other Jedi to join her at the lead of the team. They advanced forward, and scurried silently to the wing. There was no doubt that more of Revan's forces were waiting for them, but Bastila did not see the reason to alarm them early. A few minutes passed by of tense silence, but for light footsteps and quiet erratic breathing. Bastila's eyes scanned the walls for enemies, but saw none. Another minute passed by and she decided it was too quiet...

She jumped when Anyara _pst_ at her. "Bastila, were you even listening to me earlier, in the hangar? About what I said...I know it _seems_ like-"

"Don't," hissed Bastila. "Please. Don't tell me what I should and shouldn't do."

"I was only trying to-"

"I have had enough of others controlling me! Telling me what I have to do and what is right and wrong!"

* * *

_"...Join us! Join the Revanchists! My followers and I stand for a noble cause: to support the Republic and win this war. I know that you all have been raised to believe that the Jedi Council knows what is right and wrong, but that is an idle excuse to stand by and watch evil take over the galaxy. We must eliminate the threat that lies in front of our eyes right h__ere, and now!" One would expect a voice to be muffled and inaudible behind the purple and magenta mask, but no, Revan's voice rang loud and clear. His words flowed with a sense of charisma and seduction that Bastila felt settle in her mind. It was drawing her towards him, much to her despise._

_He stood at the centre of the courtyard, visible in front of all Jedi that were stationed at the enclave, including the Dantooine council. The rest of the Revanchists stood behind, and his best friend Alek was at his side, brooding. Bastila was beside the council, hoping that she would pass by the Revanchists as just another code-stricken Jedi padawan, glued stuck to the council's decisions. _

_"And so I ask again," continued Revan. "Will you join me?"_

_Silence, then..."I will!" A human female Jedi walked up. She was dressed in the simple brown robes of a padawan, her face framed with cropped dark blonde hair. "My informal master, Master Kavar, would _never_ have let innocents suffer, and do nothing about it. I, likewise, refuse to let this be brought upon the Republic." It was then that Bastila realised who the woman was. _

_Meetra Surik._

_She had heard about her, mainly from the other padawans. Rumour had it that she could sever one's connection to the Force. The prospect of this frightened Bastila, for she knew that anything was possible with the will of the Force. The thought of one's power and harmony with the Force being stripped away was...overwhelming, especially if the victim were a Jedi. Bastila narrowed her eyes. Rumours or not, she felt uneasy towards Surik._

_As Surik shook Alek's hand and went to join the Revanchists, Bastila could fell Revan's eyes poring over her. The mask hid sight of where his eyes were truely focused, but she _knew_. Bastila knew what would come next.  
_

_"Bastila Shan, the famed battle meditator" Revan said. Bastila suddenly felt all eyes turn to her and shifted uncomfortably. Revan paused, probably for dramatic effect, which nearly caused her to roll her eyes to heaven. "Join us, Bastila. Together, the Revanchists will be able to stop this war with your Battle Meditation! The Republic would be victorious!"_

_She took a step forward, eyes unwavering from Revan's mask. She could not restrain herself. Her battle meditation could help the Revanchists save lives in the war effort. She could _end this war_. And then...she hesitated in her steps. _

_"Bastila," hissed Master Dorak. She turned to face him with unsure eyes. "Don't. Do not defy the Council. You have much more training and potential ahead of you! Don't throw it away on some rebellion."_

_Her heart beat quickened, and she whipped her head back to Revan, who was waiting patiently, as if he was sure she would join his path. Bastila stood, frozen. The other masters looked at her expectantly. Ahead of her lay two life-changing paths. If she defied the Council, her life as a Jedi was over and done. She hadn't even finished her padawan training yet! How would she be able to become the best Jedi she could possibly be by joining the Revanchists? _

But the war effort needs you. The _Republic_ needs you.

_Master Vrook tilted his chin up, upholding a sense of power and authority over the young, reckless padawan that stood in front of his eyes. "Bastila, come. Don't you dare join that fool, Revan."_

_And before she could stop herself, she said in a low voice, "I won't join the Revanchists, Revan." She walked back to the Council's side, and tried very hard to concentrate on the dead leaf fluttering in the wind. Anything to take the mind off of what she had done; defying her heart and obeying a group of old men._

_The Council always knows what's best..., she thought reluctantly, still staring at the leaf. _

_Master Dorak smiled at her, but it didn't seem warm and bright at all. It was a smile of relief. "You did what was right, Bastila."_

_She paid a nervous glance to him, wondering whether she regretted the decision she had made. _

You mean,_ I did what you wanted_.

* * *

Anyara stared at Bastila blankly for a moment, then, with widened eyes, gasped. "Incoming grenade!"

Bastila cursed. She'd been too loud, and in doing so, had revealed their position. How could she had been so _reckless and arrogant? _"Scatter!"

The grenade flew in the air and Bastila quickly took cover with Anyara.

"Bastila! Do you hear yourself?" shouted Anyara over a loud explosion. "You make it sound like the Jedi don't care! Remember what I said about the Dark Side that lies in this place!"

Bastila shook her head. No, this wasn't the Dark Side, this was the harsh truth. "You don't understand, the Dark Side does not influence my words. The Jedi are holding me back because of my potential! The Council act like I am just a dangerous, restricted tool they need to keep a close eye on!" she retorted.

"The Jedi are only trying to help you and the galaxy!"

When the deadly sonic blast diminished, Bastila ignited her lightsaber and emerged. "I know, but it doesn't mean they aren't blind." And Bastila did know. However, her loathing feelings could not be ignored. They were always there in the back of her mind, dormant, and could break out at the slightest trigger like a torrent.

Anyara glanced at Bastila with...pity? "I'll-I"ll see you when the wave's over; if we both survive this."

Bastila nodded, and watched Anyara Force stasis a group of Sith troopers before engaging in the battle herself. Bastila stunned incoming assault droids and hurled another at a Sith trooper with the Force. The rest of the strike team were spread, covering all enemies whilst still making progress to the bridge.

After the droids were deactivated, Bastila occupied herself by joining Koren and two other Jedi, Jon and Laska, who were facing five Dark Jedi Acolytes.

"This should be fun," said Jon. He then charged forward with his blue lightsaber and hacked at one of the acolytes with surprising speed. Bastila and the others followed suit.

Bastila spun her blades at a charging dark acolyte, and he in turn tried to land an overhead cut. The surrounding battle becamse blurred lines, and only she and the dark acolyte existed. As they fought, Bastila studied the flow of movements between the two fighters. She recognised that the acolyte's technique was sloppy, but focused on his ferocious strength. He continued to place blow after blow, each off target or parried by Bastila. She could sense his strength weakening and returned with her own blows, targeting the weak defense of his single bladed lightsaber.

He clumsily brought his saber up to block, and the two enemies found themselves in a lightsaber lock. They held the tense position for seconds, none daring to back down. Bastila quivered under the pressure. She stepped forward to give her some more leverage. Then, with a desperate gasp, she brought her lightsaber down with all her might, breaking the blade lock and startling the acolyte. Then she leapt while striking from above. The acolyte easily parried the aerial attack and sneered. He turned, only to feel the burning pain of a lightsaber to the gut. The dark acolyte gasped sharply in pain and shock. He fell to the floor and curled his body around the wound. Then a cascade of screams came.

Bastila wiped sweat off her brow and pulled out her blade, only to raise it again. The acolyte was doomed to die. He had no strength to heal himself with the Dark Side. She adjusted her grip on her lightsaber hilt, hands sweating and slipping from the warm metal. She looked down at the person she now held so much power over, basked in adrenaline and success. She looked down in pity, and disgust.

The acolyte had extinguished his screaming, too weak to make a loud sound. He instead reduced to wheezing in pain. "Please...," he croaked from his bloody mouth.

Bastila stared into the man's yellow, sorrowful eyes. She shook with effort not to let her lightsaber sink into the man's neck. He was pleading for his life...what was she to do?

_Maybe I can redeem him-WAIT, NO! This man is a _Sith! _The Sith _must_ be defeated in order for light to reign the galaxy. You cannot save him now, it is too late. This is just some Sith trick!_

What would a Jedi do? Bastila wasn't sure what the answer to that was.

With a deep breath, Bastila let her lightsaber blade fall and pierce the acolytes neck. It was a clean kill; no blood, no screams. But there was that nipping sense of guilt that Bastila felt, even though she had slain many Sith before with ease. It was undeniable.

This had been her own decision to kill the Sith, a Sith that had begged for their life. And for once, she did not embrace the prospect of choice.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**the FIRST time that Bastila loses her lightsaber under her seat ;). **

**ahem, right, so, this was my attempt at writing 'action'-something which i'm inexperienced at. however, i HAVE focused more on Bastila's angst in this chapter than the actual mission, and dwell deeper into her thoughts and mindset than other chapters. **

**as always, leave a review and tell me what you think!**


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